Evolution

I survived the first week of double job action. No big deal, still snuck some fun times in there as well. Today I felt like I finally belonged in the office, it's a huge jump for me and I am being bombarded with information all day. Working 9 to 8 will get easier when I know what I am doing a little better instead of having to learn hour by hour. Today we got into some of the finer details of what I need to do daily, weekly, and monthly. I feel a lot more confident about it now that I know exactly what I am looking for instead of trying to imagine it and letting it balloon in my mind.

I even booked an appointment to see someone on Monday, which is another step towards actually making some money instead of just paying for parking and taking up office space. So the key component of my job is being on the phone, ideally I am going to be on the phone for 25+ hours a week for the next year. And believe me it is as fun as it sounds, non-stop calling, Will Smith style, I don't even hang up the phone I just release and dial again. But to be honest it isn't worse than what I was doing, and I'll be able to make a legitimate life out of it so I'm really not complaining.

Past That Point

Two full time jobs is sweet, one day off a week is sweet. But you think I would be a little bit more careful with my sleep time. Right now I am committed to everything that I am doing, but it has gone past that point of personal commitment right now. I am doing more than enough 4ams lately, it is one thing to be there, but when the lights are still on in the house on the hill it makes you wonder how much longer you can keep something like this up. The twinkle isn't something that I am unfamiliar with, but how much do I care about my pretty face. I have been dodging bullets for a few weeks now, and I know exactly which bullet is going to get me and why.

Our sense of smell is tied most directly to memory, and thats the bullet that isn't going to miss. Let's see if I am as bulletproof as I think I am.

1>2

So the tally is in, the votes were; 1 for, and 2 against. I always had a suspicion that democracy didn't work. It is the tool of the capitalist elite. But, wait, I thought I wanted to be one of those guys wearing the sexy custom suits that 7 or 8 people labored on. Yeah, that is what I want. So after the balloting was over I held my own secret ballot vote. I went and had a little chat with God and he told me that I should continue on in His name and complete the work that I have already started. Seems the people made the wrong choice, so I had to go ahead and veto their initiative. It happens all of the time, if you give the people the power to vote they will make the wrong decision, they are so easily confused by coercion and other types of literal or implied violence.

Thank you to everyone who took part in this election, my campaign manager, lifestyle instructor, and personal stylist. I am going to ride this wave of momentum right into the White House.

Shirts and Ties

I don't have a single thing to complain about today, usually I only want to write when something is bugging me. Today I have an hour to waste before I change from one shirt and tie job to another shirt and tie job. My work day for the next month is 9am til midnight. Good times, I have began a bit of a relationship with someone I used to stick my nose up at. Usually I like to go for someone that is a little less common, has a little sophistication, but sometimes you need a pick me up. I am going to use this blog to repent the slander that I have been spewing for years. I take back most of the bad things that I have said about coffee, because now I need her. It is fun being all dressed up all of the time, but if you can't stay awake you can't make money.

It's funny that I am in the risk management business, if you took a little look into my life right now you wouldn't believe it. But sometimes you have to push the risk envelope a little bit to get what you want. I need some insurance right now, hopefully I'll find someone willing to take on my risk taking personality.

You heard it here first... when I get paid I am taking a fucking vacation. I really don't care where it is, or when, or for how long, but when I have the cash money I am searching out a cheap ass vacation. 2 stipulations; beach, swim up bar. Case closed.

Told my boss/new life coach today that I was sick of not driving an Infiniti G, he says that won't be an issue. Case closed.

Forgot Something..

Also, sleep is very important. Staying up all day and all night is bad for you. You can't do it forever.

But you did an excellent job on everything else in the letter today, keep up the good work, sorry about the oversight.

A Letter To Myself

This is the last transitional stage, you don't have to struggle forever. Take care of your body, no pot, no booze, no crap food. You can make an impact right away if you stick to solid fundamentals. Listen carefully to everyone but don't take it to heart. No negative words will come out of your mouth, be respectful and save your criticism. Not everyone has the opportunities that you have. Don't try to be someone you aren't, stay within your limits for now until you have established yourself. There is only one question in your mind right now, try to solve it. If you decide to roll the dice, commit to it. Give the honest answers and live with the consequences.

Today Was A Day Like Any Other

There was only one person that I wanted to talk to yesterday, yesterday was tough, it was the culmination of so many things in my life. I wish that you wanted to talk to me. I know, oh no Mr. Cool is having a bad day, blah blah blah. Fuck him, he thinks he is so cool, he just does whatever he wants, he has no feelings. It's about time he had a bad fucking day.

I put everything in my life aside for yesterday, so I guess I deserve what I get when it doesn't pan out quite the way I want it to. This means so much to me, I knew my car was dying but I decided that I had to chance it. It wasn't the end of the world, but for the first time in a long time I had that hollow feeling of not knowing what to do. And I deserve better than "well if anyone can do it, you can." At least fake it, I knew you didn't want to talk to me the second you answered the phone. All of the times you cried on my shoulder, all of the times I held back your hair. Maybe I am a fucking asshole, but that really upset me, whatever you were busy or not feeling well or whatever but fuck.

Maybe you just don't get it, you don't know how hard I work for things. No one wants to give me anything, I struggle everyday. And maybe it is an inconvenience when I can't come see you every week. But I have 75 dollars in my bank account, I have fucking nothing. If I didn't get a bailout yesterday I wouldn't have a car, I would've had to sleep in the street, and I would have had just enough money to put myself on a bus. But that's cool because if anyone can figure it out it's me. I should support you when you are telling me about how you like coke, but when my car breaks down, I am broke, and almost miss the biggest test of my life that's not a big deal really. I get it, I am a big boy and I can take care of myself.

I am sick everytime that you discourage me from all of the ambitions I have, oh lets go on a trip, well I cant go on a trip unless I get a good education and work hard. I wish you encouraged me to be the person I am. I fucking love you, you were the only person that knew I was really alive for like 2 years. You were my best friend and I meant everything I have ever said to you. But I just can't explain why I can't spend 2 days a week with you anymore. I am fucking busy, I would love to just spend my days hanging out with you, eating tapas and singing Holiday in Spain and sleeping in the position. But my life isn't fun, I don't have fun. I hate my job, hate where I live, hate that I don't have anything. So I have to be dedicated and diligent. I push myself because I don't want to be my parents, I want to have a secure life, I want to enjoy myself and help people.

So find someone else, someone who is happy to wake up in debt. Someone who approves of everything you do. Someone who isn't careful, someone who doesn't have the self respect to know that you shouldn't do some things. Someone who isn't going to get a grown up job that keeps him away.

It will be sweet, you guys can go to Sneaky D's, make friends in the park, put things up your nose.

Don't comment or write your own shit, I know who I am. I'm not perfect, but I'm not going to justify what I think. You were my best friend, I know that you can do so much more than you are. You get mad everytime I criticize you, but I have no alterior motives. I want you to be happy and successful as a person. I never gave you any advice that furthered my personal agenda. I am sick of this rap that I have of, oh he doesn't care. He only cares about himself. We have been through so much together, but if everything falling apart was my fault, then fine, I'll take the fall like a man, but good luck in the future.