Today Was A Day Like Any Other

There was only one person that I wanted to talk to yesterday, yesterday was tough, it was the culmination of so many things in my life. I wish that you wanted to talk to me. I know, oh no Mr. Cool is having a bad day, blah blah blah. Fuck him, he thinks he is so cool, he just does whatever he wants, he has no feelings. It's about time he had a bad fucking day.

I put everything in my life aside for yesterday, so I guess I deserve what I get when it doesn't pan out quite the way I want it to. This means so much to me, I knew my car was dying but I decided that I had to chance it. It wasn't the end of the world, but for the first time in a long time I had that hollow feeling of not knowing what to do. And I deserve better than "well if anyone can do it, you can." At least fake it, I knew you didn't want to talk to me the second you answered the phone. All of the times you cried on my shoulder, all of the times I held back your hair. Maybe I am a fucking asshole, but that really upset me, whatever you were busy or not feeling well or whatever but fuck.

Maybe you just don't get it, you don't know how hard I work for things. No one wants to give me anything, I struggle everyday. And maybe it is an inconvenience when I can't come see you every week. But I have 75 dollars in my bank account, I have fucking nothing. If I didn't get a bailout yesterday I wouldn't have a car, I would've had to sleep in the street, and I would have had just enough money to put myself on a bus. But that's cool because if anyone can figure it out it's me. I should support you when you are telling me about how you like coke, but when my car breaks down, I am broke, and almost miss the biggest test of my life that's not a big deal really. I get it, I am a big boy and I can take care of myself.

I am sick everytime that you discourage me from all of the ambitions I have, oh lets go on a trip, well I cant go on a trip unless I get a good education and work hard. I wish you encouraged me to be the person I am. I fucking love you, you were the only person that knew I was really alive for like 2 years. You were my best friend and I meant everything I have ever said to you. But I just can't explain why I can't spend 2 days a week with you anymore. I am fucking busy, I would love to just spend my days hanging out with you, eating tapas and singing Holiday in Spain and sleeping in the position. But my life isn't fun, I don't have fun. I hate my job, hate where I live, hate that I don't have anything. So I have to be dedicated and diligent. I push myself because I don't want to be my parents, I want to have a secure life, I want to enjoy myself and help people.

So find someone else, someone who is happy to wake up in debt. Someone who approves of everything you do. Someone who isn't careful, someone who doesn't have the self respect to know that you shouldn't do some things. Someone who isn't going to get a grown up job that keeps him away.

It will be sweet, you guys can go to Sneaky D's, make friends in the park, put things up your nose.

Don't comment or write your own shit, I know who I am. I'm not perfect, but I'm not going to justify what I think. You were my best friend, I know that you can do so much more than you are. You get mad everytime I criticize you, but I have no alterior motives. I want you to be happy and successful as a person. I never gave you any advice that furthered my personal agenda. I am sick of this rap that I have of, oh he doesn't care. He only cares about himself. We have been through so much together, but if everything falling apart was my fault, then fine, I'll take the fall like a man, but good luck in the future.