Sometimes I sleep at night, sometimes I sleep in the day, sometimes I don't sleep at all. As long as I keep myself organized I don't see that changing, at least for the next 2 months. I am taking on more than I should maybe. But fuck it, you will never know if you don't go for it.
It seems like every decision I make right now has epic consequences. I know I bring it on myself, and I don't fear the consequences. But at the same time I wish it didn't have to be like this. The rollercoaster just started moving, and it is click click clicking its way to the top. And I am really not sure that I want to be on this ride, but why the fuck else did I come to an amusement park if I'm not going to ride the best and fastest ride they are offering me? I knew that I was going to find myself here when I was in the car. What did I think I was going to do once I got here? My mind was made up well before today, well before I put the shoulder restraint on. Maybe it's just because I'm not too sure about the safety equipment. But who is going to save me?
The good thing is, ummm, oh yeah, there are a lot of good things. I have reasons to get up and do things, it isn't all about will power anymore. There are expectations, and there are people that are just dying to see me fuck it all up and get my face smashed in. I can see it in their eyes, but I love that adversity, even though most of it is imagined in my head. More and more it seems that people are wishing me nothing but the best. And I am a good guy to the people that I know and care about. But the people that don't know me, are getting things taken away from them. So fuck em, everyone can't have everything. You can either take what I have, or find someone else that is an easier mark. And then what does that make you.
Don't have expectations, have goals, let the people sitting on the couch watching have their expectations.
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